On February 24, 2022, I walked into my 20-week anatomy appointment full of confidence, as this was my fourth pregnancy, and I knew the routine, but I was wrong. Little did I know my life was about to be changed forever. 

After the scan, the doctor walked in and delivered devastating news: my baby had a rare and fatal condition called Bilateral Renal Agenesis (BRA). BRA is a condition where the  baby's kidneys never develop, and the baby will not survive. I left that appointment in shock and completely devastated, not knowing if my baby would pass away in utero or shortly after birth.

Photo by NILMDTS Photographer Cheryl Lucas

For the next 17 weeks, I had to live with the fact that my baby could die at any moment. I cried more tears than I thought humanly possible. But even through the tears and sadness, I made the conscious decision to enjoy and appreciate every moment of my pregnancy. I knew that baby Egypt could feel all my emotions. More than anything, I wanted my son to know that he was truly loved. My husband, myself, and our children, who were two, four, and eight at the time, would constantly pray for, talk and sing to baby Egypt 

On June 21, 2022, my precious baby Egypt came into this world at 1:27 pm. Before going into the hospital, I had already come up with a birth plan. I was unsure how long he would live, but I knew I wanted to make every moment memorable. I knew I wanted my children, husband, and his grandparents to see him alive. Shortly after I had him via C-section, I sent baby Egypt and his father back to my room to bless his sibling and grandparents with his presence. 

Shortly after arriving back in my room, baby Egypt was placed in my arms. He blessed us with his presence for 1 hour and 7 minutes before returning to the Lord. It was like he waited for me to arrive before taking his last breath. Through this difficult time, all we could do was “Trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding.”  

While in the hospital, we had a volunteer photographer from NILMDTS come in and take black and white portraits of baby Egypt. She was so empathetic and compassionate to our situation. Her thoughtfulness and creativity allowed her to capture both posed and candid images. During the hardest day of my life, she was able to capture beautiful images that I am now able to reflect back on and cherish forever. I am so thankful to her for creating these memories for us.

After leaving the hospital, the days and weeks that followed were full of many tears and heartache. I felt like my heart and mind would explode with sadness. There were days that I couldn't get out of bed because my grief was so heavy.

Even though Egypt isn't here with us physically, it feels important to me to keep his memory alive so my other children never forget their baby brother.  We set up a little memorial for him in our home with pictures, stuffed animals, flowers, his hand molds, his footprints, a shadow box, and other precious mementos from our time with him.

For the first year, on the 21st of every month, I would take a picture of his milestone blanket with the month and reflect on what he would be doing at that age. I would post the picture on my social media to share this journey with my friends and family. We had a remembrance celebration for his first birthday with candle lighting, a balloon release, and fireworks. We love remembering and talking about baby Egypt. My children have even made it a habit of including baby Egypt in their prayers. 

Baby Egypt, you are such a blessing, you are loved, and you will never be forgotten.

Photo by NILMDTS Photographer Cheryl Lucas