On June 27, 2023 we learned we were expecting our sweet angel baby, Loralie. She has two older siblings: a 2-year-old brother named Everette and a 1-year-old sister named Rilynn. My previous pregnancies had been uncomplicated, and this time seemed no different.

On September 28, 2023, I went for my routine anatomy scan, a day early at 19 weeks and 6 days. The doctors assured me throughout the scan that everything looked great. We asked them to not tell us what we were having and put the baby’s sex in an envelope because we hadn’t shared the news with our family that we were pregnant. Given the closeness of our pregnancies, I was anxious about the reactions and potential negative comments.

A few days later, my OB called, mentioning some unusual findings in the scan that could indicate trisomy 21. They hadn’t mentioned anything during the appointment so this seemed odd. They offered bloodwork, which I scheduled for my next routine appointment on October 13. Knowing that trisomy 21 wouldn’t affect my love for my baby, I wasn’t overly concerned.

We finally shared the news with my in-laws on October 3 by having Everette and Rilynn color pictures that said, "I’m a big brother" and "I’m a big sister," while I colored one announcing, "Baby #3 on the way." They were thrilled. We announced our surprise on social media the following day. Eager to know the sex, we bought a cake with the reveal inside and found out that we were having another baby girl.

On Friday, October 13, I attended my routine appointment alone. It was supposed to be a standard check-up, but things quickly turned distressing. The first nurse couldn’t find a heartbeat. Since Loralie was always active, I wasn’t initially worried. However, a second nurse also failed to find it, and when they brought in the big ultrasound machine, I started to cry. The doctor confirmed my fears: the spot where her heart should have been fluttering was blank. They determined she had passed away at 20 weeks and 3 days, just four days after my anatomy scan.

The support from the doctors and nurses was incredible, and I am grateful for their compassion. I texted my husband, telling him to come. Once he was ready, I told the doctors I needed to leave. I couldn’t stay there any longer. I called my husband as I was leaving to break the news, then called my sisters. One immediately drove 4 1/2 hours to be with me, and my dad started his 3-hour journey. I informed my work that I wouldn’t be in for the rest of the week and didn’t know when I would return.

My husband and I went to the store to find an outfit for our baby to go home to Jesus in. Even preemie clothes were too big, so my sister suggested looking in the baby doll section. I found a beautiful red and white rose dress for an American Girl doll and knew it was perfect.

That day felt like it moved in slow motion. My sister arrived, and I was already in bed trying to sleep. She cuddled with me, kicking my husband to the couch. We have faced many challenges together, and I needed her there especially knowing I was going to give birth to my silent baby the next day.  

Saturday came, I was terrified, praying the doctor had made a mistake. We went in, and they started my IV and induction meds. Saturday went by slowly, and painfully. By Sunday morning, October 15, 2023, the pain, contractions, and my thoughts were overwhelming. My sister handled all the arrangements based on my wishes. Around 10 a.m., I felt a change in my body. I laid on my side, clenching my legs together, knowing what was coming. As my husband came out of the bathroom, I rolled over, and my water broke. I yelled and started crying. My husband pulled back the blanket, saw that my water had broken, and called the nurse. I could feel her descending slowly. The nurse caught my daughter at 10:31 a.m. 

The silence was heartbreaking.

Baby Loralie Jackson by NILMDTS Affiliated Photographer April Matta

My husband cut the cord, and the nurse wrapped her up and handed her to me, saying I could look at my beautiful baby when I was ready. She was the most beautiful baby with a cute button nose and the sweetest little toes. We spent the next few hours with her. 

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep sent professional photographers to take pictures. Eventually, the funeral home director came and took her, and I was discharged.

The next day, we went to make her arrangements. I was desperate to see her again, but the director advised against it, saying she wasn’t the same. My sister asked if I could hold her swaddled, and they agreed. I held my baby one last time and prayed over her. We then went to the cemetery to choose her place in “Babyland.” On Tuesday, we had a small service with the immediate family and went to the cemetery. My husband sent the deacon from our church a few scriptures, and he was wonderful. I don’t remember much from that day besides staring at the hole in the ground and her tiny casket.

The days continue to go by without her. I love spending time at home with my babies and remembering Loralie in a painfully beautiful way. Her name will always be spoken, and my kids love visiting the "flowers" (the cemetery). They don’t know the details yet because they are so young, but they will learn about her as they grow older.

We are so grateful for the photos that we have and the ability to remember her and share her with her brother and sister, we cherish having a way to remember her. 

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, a dedicated 501(c)(3) non-profit, offers families experiencing pregnancy and infant loss with complimentary remembrance portraits, capturing precious moments with their babies. Your generous donation can help us extend this heartfelt service to more families in need. Please consider supporting us here.