National Rainbow Day

August 22nd is National Rainbow Baby Day. Having a rainbow baby, or having a pregnancy after a loss, or consecutive losses, is no easy feat. Having Elia home has magnified my grief in ways I could never anticipate. Though I’m extremely grateful to have such a beautiful baby at home, I still feel emptiness inside of me. During my pregnancy, friends would tell me that I would find “healing” and “peace” after bringing a rainbow baby home–but I have yet to find that peace. I wish my son could grow alongside his sister, Elia. I wish I could see the relationship Dominic and Elia would develop, as brother and sister.

Photograph Courtesy of DeLeon Family

They say, “Rainbows come after storms.” Once a rainbow arrives, everything is magically okay–the storm and rain has washed away the pain. It doesn’t. Not for everyone.

Photograph Courtesy of DeLeon Family

Yes, I hold a baby in my arms. But I continue to grieve over the baby that is in heaven, that I will never be able to hold again in this life. And that’s still something I’m trying to accept.

Elia is one lucky gal to have a beautiful guardian angel like her big brother, Domimic. I know he’s always present and watching his little sister grow–especially since he handpicked her. Having a rainbow baby doesn’t mean the storm is over. It just means that a piece of heaven is physically present in your home and is there to remind you that joy and grief can co-exist in this life.